Pretend

“Let’s play a game of pretend!

Because our hearts will never mend

I’ve always been scared of the truths you hide,

Yet I’ve always known I’m living a lie.

It’s hard to tell you what I feel,

Yet you know this pain is real.

I wish I never chose this path,

‘Cause now I know this choice’s eternal wrath.

I truly regret just what I’ve done,

Yet this emptiness is something I can never shun.

So let us play a game of pretend!

When we can act like our hearts will mend.

I can live my little lie forever,

Because how I was; it’s coming…never.”

“I’m bleeding! I’m bleeding!” Mango looked at her wounds as she dehenshined from Sailor Magellan, her body still undertaking its hefty damage.

“Stop whining, you know you’ll be fine in a few minutes,” The familiar voice rang, and she sighed, nodding to herself, already acknowledging the natural homeostatic healing process. Already people were moving around again, some offering to heal her, but she held up a hand in rejection, yet they would insist, but by the time the argument had ended, she’d be fully healed and it would be pointless. She let out a sigh as the people retreated, and she stretched her auto mail limbs; a left arm and right leg both made fully of the cold steel. If you included her naturally cybernetic body, she probably wasn’t organic at all. Just a machine with blood, organs, and a mind to come with it. Even then some organs were missing, making her seem even more out of place with being considered organic.

The heartless Certask General just stared on, watching as humans-or whatever they all were, perhaps she should just address them as organic beings, and be done with it-began to perform their usual interactions. In a way, she truly used to be able to do that. Act, play, smile, laugh, cry, pout, scream, sing, dance, anything, and she felt like it fit, and she was normal. Now…

She shook her head. Now she couldn’t do anything without it feeling out of place. Something was missing inside. Sure, it was easy to act like it all clicked. Being ‘Heartless’ would only seem to be a title and an advantage, as she would let on. But now, the smiling was no longer real, the laughter (if you actually bothered to pay attention) was hollow, the actions that alluded to her being an organic individual with emotions…it was well, just an act. This emptiness, though, was real.

She shuddered absently, but stopped before anyone noticed. Did she want this? Now, she couldn’t remember. Maybe her mind was going next. Shaking her head, she let herself return to the act of being Mango Kattan.

The heartless girl was satisfied with one thing, though; if she had anything going for her, it was her sailor crystal that her dear friend Minako-chan had given her. The sailor crystal had at first given her a brief illusion of feelings being real, and it caused her for a time, true happiness. But now, the emotion had managed to differentiate into a single emotion; wrath. Whenever she was angry, the emotion seemed real. It almost made he happy. To feel anything, now, even if it was only an emotion she rarely felt, made her satisfied. How ironic…

Rising from the ground, Mango shook her head, double-checking her garment grid, auto mail, and anything else of interest to her. Once she was sure she was fine, she went to go find her items so that she could use her DDR machine as her means of sleeping, and went outside to relax until the room was empty.

Never had Mango wanted to feel forced to be something. She wanted to feel like she could be whomever she wanted, whenever she wanted, however she wanted without acting.

Now, if only that was possible, to feel like she meant something….